Had this sent over courtesy of Arthur at Rostrum Records. I’ve been supporting Wiz Khalifa for awhile now as he’s a definite up-and-comer in the rap game out of Pittsburgh. Keep an eye out for his mixtape, Star Power, coming soon.
Newsstands everywhere are buzzing with reports of the recent declaration of war by Buffalo Patriot Patrick Meyers against the tyrannical Floridian by the name of Phil C…
Here at The Mailman we love Fantasy Football. Like most of you, we are frantically finding and joining leagues with friends, family, and co-workers. One of the biggest decisions you will make next to drafting your team will be your team name. This team will be your top priority in life till New Years. Forget work, forget the girlfriend. Your friends are going out? HA! Try staying in and figuring out whether to start Anthony Gonzalez or Lee Evans? This team name will make or break you before your draft. Don’t have your name picked out before the draft? Just hand your money over now bud, because you just lost any chance of winning.
But back to the point. We here at The Mailman want to proclaim one team name the best of them all. So send us your team name, the best of the best will be chosen and voted on by the readers of The Mailman and win the Grand Prize (TBD).
This is an Eastwood Mailman Special Report. Patrick Meyers, a young up and coming Irish drinker has gone missing. The last known sighting of Meyers was a post he put on this site three days ago that was incoherent and jibberish, saying something about how devastated he was after a man named Phil dominated his BrickBreaker score. His friends and family have told us that he frequents Farmer’s Markets and the part of Allen St. in Buffalo that most people usually drive through to get to Colter Bay. If you have any information on his whereabouts, please contact us here at The Mailman. Our prayers go out to his red headed family.
Chris Mortensen is reporting that Brett Favre has officially filed for reinstatement. In doing so, he celebrated by tossing a pigskin to himself in a pair of Wrangler Relaxed Fit Jeans. After working up an appettite, he ordered a bucket of wings and a 12-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Realizing that Buffalo Wings were created at the great Anchor Bar in Buffalo, he informs his agent that he would like to work out a trade with the Buffalo Bills and take them to the Super Bowl. Stay tuned as this develops.
Brett Favre with his new Madden 2009 game, has put himself as the starter in Green Bay and just won the Super Bowl. He listened to “you’re still the one” by Shania Twain and celebrated by doing the Lambeau Leap into his kitchen table, reports Chris Mortensen.
Sources say that Phil is hiding in a dark corner of his office down in sunny Florida fearing the inevitable crushing defeat of his brickbreaker score at the hands of one Patrick Meyers. Chris Mortensen has also stated that while blogging, Phil is enjoying an orange and a glass that is filled with his own tears from the fear he is experiencing due to reasons previously stated.
Marshawn Lynch will not be disciplined by Commissioner Roger Goodell. The Commissioner was on hand today at Bills training camp and said that the charges against Lynch did not violate the league’s conduct policy. This saves the running back from any suspension. Goodell was at training camp to meet about issues facing the Bills like revenue sharing, Tim Russert, Toronto and Ralph Wilson Stadium.
This is just what we needed. Now we can get down to business. I expect Mr. Applebees to run for about 1400 yards this year and continue to be a fan favorite. Personally, I think Marshawn knew the chick he hit was from Canada, and he was just looking out for the Bills as a franchise. He doesn’t want the team to move to Toronto either, so why not try to take a Canadian out whenever he has a chance. Nice looking out Marshawn, keep up the good work. And props to the Commish for being smart about this.